Do I Respect Myself Or Resent Myself? Find Out The Truth About Self-Abandonment & Having Your Own Back, Right Here

Want to know if you can honestly say ‘I respect myself’, or if you’re just stuck in subconscious self-abandonment & self-punishment? This post is dedicated to the overachievers who are constantly checking themselves for arrogance, pride, or being ‘too difficult’, and end up punishing themselves for being human.

You’re always trying to do the right thing. You’re trying to work hard, be strong, be kind, and helpful. But behind that gold-star performance might be a brutal pattern, where you break your own boundaries over and over. You question your every move, you punish yourself harder than anyone else ever could, and you confuse constant effort with self-respect. But that’s not healthy overachieving anymore. That’s internalized dominance by punishing. And it’s killing your sense of self from the inside out.

What you’re going to learn is the difference between dignity and earned self-respect, how self-trust is built through behavior (not feelings), and how internalized resentment becomes a twisted form of emotional safety. You’ll get strategic tools to stop outsourcing your value to your productivity—and start earning real self-respect without the shame spiral.

After you have learned to recognize the real signs of self-respect, you’ll be able to back yourself during hard moments, stop second-guessing your values, and actually act in line with who you want to be. You’ll feel more grounded, less reactive, and finally aligned with your own damn compass.

This post is all about how to be able to say ‘I respect myself’ instead of resenting yourself, so you can stop abandoning your own voice and start building loyalty where it matters most: with you.

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Respect Myself

Let’s sort some terminology out before we dive in deeper. Respect is about DOING. You earn self-respect by acting in alignment with your personal values. That means doing what’s right over what’s easy, even when it costs you comfort. It’s built on acting in alignment with your values, and you really have to DO something for it before you can claim it.

Dignity, on the other hand, is about BEING. It’s your absolute birthright. It should be granted by default. I know… In our world this isn’t the case (yet!), but this is a form of punishment that hopefully will be an absurdity to future civilizations. When dignity is denied, real harm happens. If you take away one thing from this post, let it be this: Dignity is NOT negotiable. You are allowed to feel entitled to it, just for the sheer sake of you being alive.

But what makes this discernment tricky? Many people, especially dominant personalities, deliberately blur the line. They’ll make you feel like you have to EARN your right to basic decency. And as soon as you start confusing respect with dignity, you end up resenting yourself for not being good enough to receive either. Aka, the Punisher just got a place inside your head.

This post will hopefully help you untangle that trap and rebuild your inner compass. Because once you know what respect looks like to you, you can stop chasing it from people who benefit from your confusion, and start building it from the inside out. And don’t worry, even if you don’t know your own values yet, we have your back! In the Self Respect Checklist we help you discern precisely what this all means to you personally. But let’s get into the difference of respecting vs resenting a little further first, shall we?

Dignity Is A Baseline. So Why Would You Still Try To Earn It?

Here’s something you need to get brutally honest about. You’ve probably been taught that “your right to be treated with decency“ depends on your performance. That if you mess up, disagree, or get something wrong, you forfeit your right to dignity. But that’s not correction— that’s domination.

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Self Respect And Dignity: Why One Is EARNED, And The Other’s A Basic Human Right (+ How To Tell The Difference)

Dignity is about being. It’s not something you earn, negotiate, or perform for. It’s something you’re born with. You’re a normal, decent, feeling human being, and that’s all the eligibility you’ll ever need. When people make you feel like you have to earn your dignity, they’re already violating it.

If you’ve ever spiraled on the self-doubt roundabout, wondering, “Was I too harsh? Too proud? Too much?”— You’ve already internalized that game. You’re now trying to ‘deserve’ the very thing that should’ve been yours by default. And what’s worse? You probably started stripping your own dignity before anyone else could. Just to feel safe. Just to not be caught off guard. But that’s not safety. That’s self-abandonment.

You’ve been operating like your value is negotiable. But what I would like you to consider is: if you wouldn’t scream at a friend for making a mistake, why are you doing it to yourself? Dominant personalities turned your humanity into a target. Now it’s time to take it off the table entirely. You never lost your dignity. You’ve got to stop negotiating it.

You Built Self-Respect By DOING Hard & Respectable Things

Self-respect doesn’t show up ‘because you feel it.’ Contrary to dignity, this is not something you’re allowed to claim without putting in the effort. You can only EARN self-respect because you did something hard, something ethical, or something brave, and did it again. And again.

It’s not about pretending you’re perfect. It’s about doing what aligns with your deeper values, especially when it’s not easy. You stop chasing external approval and start relying on your own track record. The reason that matters? You don’t have to feel confident to act with self-respect. You have to act in a way that makes future-you proud. And no, this isn’t about pride. It’s about responsibility.

Overachievers tend to over-function for others, hoping it will finally earn them peace. But that peace can only come when you stop betraying yourself for applause that never comes. You respect yourself by how you show up. By what you walk away from. By the behaviors you refuse to repeat. Don’t wait for someone else to grant you permission. Act like you have your best interest, like you have your own back! Because acting in alignment is precisely how you build that self-trust.

Self-Resentment Is A Subconscious Safety Strategy (The Internalized Punisher)

If you grew up around dominance, guilt-tripping, or emotional stonewalling, chances are you learned to resent yourself before anyone else could. You punish yourself faster than the world ever would, so you can stay in a safe sense of control. But that’s not self-awareness. That’s emotional armor.

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Signs You Have No Self Respect: 4 Painful Patterns That Keep Overachievers Stuck In People-Pleasing Hell-loops

Resentment toward yourself feels like safety because it gives you a false sense of preparation. If you beat yourself up first, you won’t be blindsided. You tell yourself you’re being humble, but you’re actually reenacting the emotional control games you were taught.

What I would like you to consider is that self-resentment is just internalized dominance. You became your own punisher. Your own authority figure, and your own saboteur. Not because you’re mean, but because shame felt safer than unpredictability. But here’s the real kick in the gut: You can’t love yourself and resent yourself at the same time. And you can’t lead your own life when you’re too busy policing your own worthiness. It’s time to put the whip down.

You don’t need the freakin’ punishment! You need to have a more stable sense of safety than self-abandonment. Remind yourself that your reactions are symptoms, not flaws. You need to stop using resentment as a way to stay small. That’s not humility. That’s fear on autopilot. And it is holding you back from achieving the things you desire.

Having Your Own Back Is A SKILL, Not A Personality Trait

You want to know how to tell if you respect yourself or resent yourself? Ask yourself how you treat yourself when you mess up. Do you abandon? Or do you defend? Can you really give yourself the benefit of the doubt when you’ve made a mistake? Or are you already assuming you screwed up because you’re a monster (or insert your favorite negative self talk here)

Having your own back doesn’t mean excusing your mistakes. But it does mean understanding. It means refusing to strip yourself of dignity when you make them. It means being someone who still shows up for themselves after they fumble. Overachievers love to go hard for everyone else. But when it comes to themselves? They disappear and walk away from their own side. They over-apologize, grovel & punish. And seriously, this has to stop.

Having your own back is a muscle you build. It’s the moment you pause before spiraling, and the second you check your gut before you perform. It’s the choice to back your own intent, even if the outcome wasn’t perfect. So next time you want to crawl out of your own skin and shrink into invisibility, try asking: “What would I do if I was my own best friend right now?” I know it’s a cliché question, but seriously, stop being kind to everyone except yourself! Be a better friend to yourself first! If you wouldn’t ditch your friends in their worst moment, don’t ditch yourself either. Self-respect means refusing to let yourself down and defending your own honor, especially when things get rough. That’s real loyalty. And it’s yours to claim.

Respect Myself (Summary)

Respect is something you earn. You earn it through action. Through doing what’s hard, what’s honorable, and what aligns with your deeper values. Dignity, on the other hand, is your birthright. It’s not a reward for good behavior. It should never be up for debate. When people confuse the two, especially dominant personalities, you get stuck thinking you’re unworthy of both. That’s where self-abandonment sneaks in.

This post gave you four tools: understand dignity as a baseline, build self-trust through ethical action, stop using self-resentment as a false shield, and start practicing real loyalty by having your own back. That’s how you stop second-guessing your value and start living like someone who respects herself deeply.

Imagine facing a tough day without collapsing into guilt. Imagine walking away from emotional manipulation without spiraling. You’d move with clear-headed rationality. You’d act from alignment. Best of all, you’d stay anchored in staying true to yourself.

I wish you the fire to stop shrinking, the steel to back yourself fully, and the rebel grace to walk beside yourself, especially when you mess up. Go kick ass, alright? You’ve got this.

This post was all about how to be able to say ‘I respect myself’ instead of resenting yourself, so you can stop abandoning your own voice and start building loyalty where it matters most: with you.

We aim to help you out as much as possible, but please keep in mind that the content is only for general informational and educational purposes. We offer our services based on independent research and life-experience only, and so our strategies can never serve as a substitute for professional advice. Trust me, we do not have 'everything figured out', are all still huge works in progress, but hey, what works for us, might work for you too! This is allll up for you to decide... It might not work for you, and that's okay, so cherrypick the stuff that resonates and leave the stuff that doesn't, and let's go!